Your capability of forgiveness has made me think a lot in these past days

Your capability of forgiveness has made me think a lot in these past days. I lost my brother 5 months ago and it has been the hardest time in my life. Even though I’ve been able to forgive the other person involved in my brothers accident, I am finding it hard to forgive the man involved in Cameron’s accident. I’m not sure why this is, but I’m trying to get rid of the anger I feel, for both tragedies. I worked with Cameron for awhile and he was just the greatest guy. We had so much fun at work and hanging out…I didn’t know him for very long, but I felt like I knew him well during that time. Him and my brother even met and got along great, they were a lot alike. And I can’t think of anyone else in the world that I would say is like Cameron or like my brother. Someone left a note at my brother’s grave saying “The world needs to know what it has lost.” I like to think that with your wonderful idea that the world can lessen its loss, just a little, by doing kindness for others in the memory of Cameron.
Monday, December 06, 2010, 00:23:09
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Cameron’s mom, Shelley
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Shelley F
Thank you so much for your post. The world would love to know more about your brother. I am so sad for your loss.Anger may come to me later to me, but for now, it makes the wound more raw. With anger comes blame, and then the possibility that, had the other driver done differently, there would have been a different outcome – so it’s like ripping at the gaping hole in my heart. In accepting that he’s gone, I’m in a sad and mournful place, but it’s focused on Cameron and my/the world’s deep loss. And I experience the intense love I feel for him and how I soooo want this all to be just a bad dream. But when I focus on the other driver, I’m back into the hope that it could somehow turn out differently – that’s just too, too painful, going back and forth between hope and the definite reality.I do believe the other driver should have consequences for his actions because what happened to Cameron must never happen again. With those consequences I send compassion and the hope that he also uses this moment in life for great change. To learn different, productive skills for coping with life’s difficulties. Perhaps to take on the responsibility of improving the world as Cameron would have done, had he lived.

Anger, when it cannot lead to action for something productive, is more damaging for me than for him. It zaps my energy, puts me in a bad mood for the world around me. I was robbed of my son but I refuse to be robbed of the present mental state that peace can bring. So it is a conscientious choice, not something that a person simply reacts to.

If you cannot let go of the anger, I would recommend becoming an advocate for your own and your brother’s cause. Take action to change things for the better. I find it so very healing.

I’m so glad you worked with Cameron, he said he really loved the people that he worked with – and that’s a direct quote! I am thankful you were one of them.

It’s wonderful that your brother and Cameron were so much alike. I’m certain they are enjoying each other’s company now.

Thanks again for sharing.

Monday, December 06, 2010, 11:43:27
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Shelley, you are my hero!! :o) You just unlocked some unresolved feelings that I have been carying around about my own brother’s death. The anger just takes away from what you feel about the person who passed. I get it now!! Thank you!!
Monday, December 06, 2010, 16:58:45
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